arrghhh... Problem Never Ends

i've written 3 paragraphs but my firefox crashed and I had to restart my firefox and rewrite this blog T____T

In short, just when I thought that I've escaped from my problem in my lab by changing my research topic, my associate professor restrained me by telling me that I couldn't change my research topic until after midterm presentation. What the ...., isn't it better to change it as soon as possible?

I could only think of one reason why my associate professor forbid me changing my research topic, that is I'm the only one who showed a good progress in my group (me, a 4th year undergraduate student, and another 1st year master student who don't know anything about programming and image processing) .

If I think about what I've done for this research, it is such a waste to leave this topic. But, if I think how much distressed I've felt all this time because of this research, i.e. the feeling of being used:
-I'm the one who do the programming & got a result, other person who presentated it and got the advantage;
-My source code has been copied by the other 2 persons in the group;
-I've been accepted for a 30 minutes oral presentation in an international conference in Portugal, but I was forbid to presentate it by my associate prof, because the company that provided us the pictures for our research data wants to get a patent. What the h*ll, who's doing the research anyway? And I don't recall accepting any facility for the research, I'm using my own laptop and this laptop is from the company where I worked for 6 month in my hometown by the way! Also, the associate prof told me I can't presentate it until the company get the patent. When it will be? Wouldn't I have to presentate it for the midterm presentation. I think this is just an excuse after all..;
I think I have to move on... change my topic, go away from the group. But... now, I'm not sure what to do. This means I have to work on 2 topics to survive... hhh....

I'm Worried About My Family

I thought I will never feel this kind of thing. Not because I don't care about them, I care, but I always thought that no bad things will ever happen to my family. I have that confidence... I did have that confidence, 'till I chatted with my little sister through yahoo messenger just 15 minutes ago, and I heard that she will stay for one day in her friend's house in the other region, 1 hour away from my hometown. Which means, she & mom (my mom will accompany my little sister, because she is still 9 this year) have to take train to go there.

Talking about train, reminded me of many crimes that happened inside local train in my hometown.... really it was terrible, a student killed when he was confronting with a sadistic thief. The thief forcefully pushed him out of the train (most of the economy-class trains have widely opened doors). I prayed for the innocent student, hoping that he will not feel any pain more than what he already experienced. I condemn the sadistic thief. hhh....

That's why I felt uneasy, worried, and I couldn't continue my study in this state of feeling... so then I returned to my usual habit, I was praying for my little sister & my mom safety, and also all my family, friends's safety, and kept repeating a sentence: "I hope all kind of living things in this world will be happy"... this sentence & the praying always give peace in my mind.. aaah... now it's time to back to study ^^

Addicted to Utopia

OH NO, I've just realized that I'm addicted to utopia (http://games.swirve.com/utopia/). Yesterday, I logged in to the game for 6 hours, and today I spent 4 hours just to check info about my province (*actually it's my friends' province*) . How did I start playing utopia? I promised my friend to maintain her province during her vacation to her hometown for 1 month. Then... after being tought many things from her & her boyfriend how to play the game, I was getting more and more interested in it. I think about:
+I have to cast spells 8 hours later to protect my (*my friend's*) province
+How many more acres can I get for my (*my friend's*) province?
+Is there anything happenning to my (*my friend's*) province, I'm really worried because the kingdom is involved in war.
Arrgghhh... I'm aware that I shouldn't be addicted to it... but really.. I couldn't throw away my thought about logging in the page everytime I have a chance.

Influenced by Cakes Offer

darn, how could I agree to type my friend's homework by the offer of cakes as the reward. I know that I like cakes so much, especially the one with milk cream, or mustard, or sweet matcha (green tea), all sweet things. nyummy nyummy... just imagining that makes me drooling. Well, I'll get my reward tomorrow, 5 cakes for typing 5 pages :D It takes 4 hours to finish it, but.... I think I won't do it anymore. It was really boring. Specially because I had to type the equation (using Microsoft equation) in the MSWord. Can't wait for the cakes :P

The thought about "I am lonely"

Five minutes ago, some stupid thoughts just came out to my mind. The thing is that I thought that I'm lonely in this world. Thinking about this almost made my tears bursted out from my eyes. Really, how come did I think that I'm lonely. I still have friends, even my sister now is also in the same country. (Currently I'm studying aboard, not in my hometown. And, 3 months ago, my sister came to this country to take MBA.) So, why the hell did I think that I'm lonely.

Then I observed all the facts that made me think that I'm lonely. They are:
1. Although my sister is in the same country with me, but she stays far from my place. It take 1 hour by shinkansen, plus 45 minutes by bus to her dormitory.
2. I'm not sure if I call my friends, they can come right away to my place. One of my friend is an employee now, she has to wake up early tomorrow to get to her office. And it's already 9 p.m. right now. My best friend from my undergraduate university is having a vacation in her hometown for 1 month. My best friend in my lab has a serious problem right now, that I don't want to make her more depress because of me.My friends from my hometown are younger than me that I'm not sure they can give me advice for my problems, and the others already have family to take care of, so that I think I can't disturb them at this hour.

This facts brought me to a conclusion that I'm lonely in the sense of actual distance that I felt. But if I think more deeply, actually this lonely feeling only something came up from my stupid thoughts. I remember a sentence that my sister told me when I was in a depressing situation, where things just not working as the way it is. She said that I'm not alone. No matter how hard my problem I have here, I still have my family (in my hometown), i. e. my mom, my dad, my sisters and my brother. And also my friends. I mean, although we are separated by distance in space, we still have strong connection in our hearts. After I was told about this, I feel so lucky that I have my sister in this country, so at least I can call her for hours (don't have to think about the phone bill, compare to if I call her in my hometown) and tell her all my problem directly, and get good advice too. Glad to have you here, sis :)